Heinz and Campbell…. Combined the two will give you enough of a high-fibre diet that you will have regular bowel motions and increased flatulence. Heinz baked beans tend to be flavoured with imitation spicy tomatoes and have rubbery projectile shaped nodules which are supposedly a legume. Campbell soup is an additive enriched, gloopy mixture with innocuous tasting lumps which are guaranteed to remain in your digestive tract for months, marketed as minestrone. But why am I rabbiting on about baked beans and soup? Because I am stunned at the similarity between these two culinary masterpieces and the whistle-blowing dimwits that masqueraded as umpires at the 2^nd test between NZ and Australia. Dalton Hinds and Chris Campbell not only share names that are similar to the aforementioned food manufacturers, but they had obviously been existing on a diet produced by their namesakes - as between the two of them, they produced enough bouts of hot air that Netball fans in Australasia could have powered a small country! Put bluntly, I found their disgraceful performance to be so bad that they gave me the sh*ts! They were ineffectual, inefficient and inept!

 

I understand that umpiring is difficult and if we can accept that it is impossible for our netball teams to give the perfect performance, we can hardly expect our umpires to be flawless. However I would like to see some form of consistency, control and management of the game. The only one of those traits displayed on Saturday night, was the fact that they were both consistently bad! Although neither Australia nor New Zealand had the advantage over the umpires or their calls, it is important that umpires who are controlling the two best teams in the world, stamp their authority in the first 5 minutes and exert some form of management of the game. The intensity that the two teams brought to the game meant that it would always be a difficult game to umpire, but the game won’t be remembered for the skill and unbelievable play from the two teams, rather for the umpiring, or lack thereof. I can’t even lay the blame on one of these two twits… they were as bad as each other. In fact it appeared at times as if they were in a competition of one-upmanship as to who could cock it up more!

 

There are few countries that have netball teams which play the game at the fast and furious pace of our two countries, but there are several who do share the same physicality that we do. Yet during our league competitions our own umpires seem to be more than capable of controlling the game and still allowing the speed and flow that the crowds love. Before Bucks starts screaming across the internet that “It’s all our fault”, I already know that it was because of New Zealand that we have a neutral umpire system for International games. However it probably seemed like a good idea at the time. It’s easy to make a mistake… the difficulty comes when you have to admit the error and fix it. And it’s time that the ‘powers that be’ recognise that not only are Australia and New Zealand the best netballers in the World, but out Umpires are too.

 

Of course, this raises the point that if we don’t expose other International Umpires to the speed of the game that our two countries play at, they will be at a disadvantage when it comes to World events. However, quite frankly, they’ve proved that they’re pretty bloody inept even with the experience. My suggestion would be that some programme is introduced where they can participate in both the National Bank Cup and the Commonwealth Bank Trophy leagues. They would be exposed to the best teams, gain the experience required to umpire first class games, yet not cause as much damage as they have done on the International Stage.

 

At this point, I have serious concerns about the quality of the World Cup next year. Australia and New Zealand are easily the best teams out there and we can only hope that countries such as England and South Africa will have improved from this years displays. Unfortunately it sounds as though the World Cup Committee in Fiji are facing hurdle after hurdle, but they are getting assistance now from other countries and officials, so hopefully those problems will be sorted in time. BUT… if the New Zealand and Australian Umpires aren’t able to officiate in the final, then I expect there’ll be more whistle than play…. more contact than goals…. more eye-rolling than celebration. Of course, it’s presumptuous to assume that it will be Australia and New Zealand facing each other in the final – but presumption was the name of the game on Saturday night too, with the umpires taking liberties with the rules!

 

BTW…. Congratulations to the Australians for their 2-1 test series win against New Zealand. When the umpires allowed it there were some absolutely brilliant displays of netball on show and now that the two teams are matched so evenly again, it’s going to seem like a loooooong time until they meet again in Fiji!